Chakotay's neck was cramped and aching, and for a few moments he couldn't
figure out why. Then he opened his eyes and realized that he wasn't
sleeping in his bed after all. He was still sitting the chair in the main
cabin of his quarters, still dressed in his uniform and still holding the
PADD with the latest crew evaluations from the Shuttle Repair Department.
Apparently, he had dozed off while reading.

Well, he thought with a yawn, it's not surprising. I can't remember the
last time I had eight uninterrupted hours of sleep. I can't remember four
uninterrupted hours. He reached up to rub the junction of shoulder and neck
that was protesting.

"It's about time," a familiar voice said. Startled, he jumped to his feet
and saw his visitor. She sat on his sofa with her long legs tucked beneath
her and her red hair loose, staring at him with undisguised impatience.

Q!" he said, and reached for his combadge.

The female Q rolled her eyes. "You Humans are so skittish. It won't work.
I've taken us out of the normal timestream so we can have a little chat."

Not taking his eyes from her, he touched the combadge anyway. "Intruder
alert," he said, but without urgency. He doubted that anyone would respond.

After two seconds of silence, she smiled at him. "Don't worry. I'm not
going to turn you into a frog. I told you, I just want to talk."

"Why me?" he asked, genuinely curious. "We barely spoke the last time you
were here."

"I know, but Helmboy was busy with that cute little Klingon and I knew you
wouldn't be occupied. Do you always sleep like that?"

"No, and I don't always wake up with a pain in the neck, either, but it
appears to have happened this time. What do you want to talk to me about?"

She peered at him. "You were a little boy once, weren't you?"

He was tempted to tell her no, but decided that it was fruitless to lie to
an omniscient being. "Yes, that's usually the way it works."

"Not among the Q." She unfolded her legs and sat straighter on the sofa.
"If I had had any idea of what procreation entailed, I never would have
agreed. Why is he so immature?"

"Who?" he asked in his best deadpan. "Q or the baby?"

"The baby, of course," she said impatiently, and then looked at him with
comprehension. "Why, Chuckles, you made a joke. And Q said you haven't got
a sense of humor."

"Q and I never exactly hit it off. I don't know how the Q age, but your
son was born only 4 years ago. In human terms, he's little more than a
toddler."

She shuddered. "That's just it. The Q don't 'toddle.' At least, we never
did before. Q are supposed to spring forth from the heart of the universe,
omniscient and omnipotent and in full control of all bodily functions,
whatever form of body we choose to occupy."

Chakotay's heart sank. "You aren't here to talk about toilet training, are
you?"

Her mouth curled in disgust. "You really are a lower form of life. No, I'm
not here to talk about . that. My problem is much more subtle and on second
thought, I doubt you can help me."

"You're probably right. Good night." He began to head toward his bedroom.
"Please turn out the lights as you leave."

"Wait!" She stood, looked about uncertainly, and then said, "I want it
understood that this is confidential between the two of us. Not a word to
anyone - not to Q, not to your hussy of a captain, not to anyone."

"Kathryn? A hussy?" He grinned at the thought.

"Stop that. Do you promise?"

Curiosity got the better of him, and he nodded. She took a deep breath.
"Junior sucks his thumb," she said, her voice dropping to little more than a
whisper.

"And?"

"And? Isn't that enough? Can you imagine the shame if the Continuum learns
about this? The Q do not bite their nails, do not grind their teeth and
most assuredly do not suck their thumbs." She began to pace. "I blame Q.
It's all his fault. It certainly isn't mine."

He stared at her, not believing his ears. "You disrupted the timestream to
ask me about thumbsucking?"

She folded her arms and raised her chin slightly. "Obviously, you have no
appreciation for the magnitude of this problem."

"Oh, I do. I understand its magnitude perfectly." He paused, then looked
at her. "Aren't you omniscient? Why can't you figure this out for
yourself?"

"Q omniscience doesn't extend to such mundane details," she said haughtily.
"The mysteries of the universe are no secret to us, but thumbsucking is
beneath our consideration."

"Uh-huh." He was beginning to suspect that the Q weren't as all-knowing as
they claimed to be, like all sentient life, they acquired knowledge through
experience; by virtue of their seemingly eternal life span, they simply
acquired so much knowledge that they seem omniscient to shorter-lived
species. "Well. I can help you. But I want something in return."

She held up a hand. "I won't transport your ship to the Alpha Quadrant.
You still have some things to accomplish here. And I won't go tampering
with your love life. That would be too .icky."

He let that slide without comment. "I wasn't going to ask for those things.
Kathryn wouldn't forgive me in either case. No, what I want is one quiet
week - no hostile aliens, no major malfunctions, no crew disruptions. Just
one week in which nothing bad happens and every can relax a little bit."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

Look suspicious, she said, "You certainly think small. All right. It's a
deal - if what you tell me works. If it doesn't -" Her grin turned
malicious. "How would you like to be visited by the Hirogen, the Borg and
Species 8472 at the same time?"

"This will work. At least, it worked for m- my little sister. Put
something that tastes bad on his thumbnail. He'll stop putting it in his
mouth."

"But - won't that make him unhappy? Won't he cry?"

"Let him." Chakotay shrugged. "He'll get over it. And a little crying is
good for him. Helps him learn he's not in control of the universe."

She looked affronted, but then a light gleamed in her eyes and a slow smile
spread across her face. With a click of her fingers, she disappeared.

Typical, he thought. He'd just have to wait and see if the week was quiet.
He was hoping he could talk Kathryn into taking some time off. She needed a
vacation, even if it was spent in her quarters or a holodeck. Resigned to
the mercurial ways of the Q, he headed for his bedroom.

Then there was a great flash of light, and he turned. She was standing
there, smiling warmly. "It worked like a charm. You are a genius,
Chuckles. I tell you what. I'm willing to help you with your love life
after all."

"I can manage that myself," he said hastily. "Just give me one uneventful
week. We all need a rest."

She shook her head. "What a waste. All right - one week of no excitement,
no drama, no villains, no viruses and no anomalies coming up." With an
economy of gesture, she snapped again, and then smiled brightly. "Of
course, all hell will break loose the week after that. Sleep tight,
Chuckles."

Another flash, and she was gone.

***

Next: A prologue to our next story, Age of Consent.